Introduction

When we sit in the quiet and turn towards the uncontrollable, ever-changing currents of experience and respond without resistance or clinging, there is an inevitable release within the heart. Silence, stillness, and a committed practice create the conditions for the heart to let go—for the inner “clenched fist” that we all carry to surrender, for peace to arise.

And although we may feel throughout much of our practice that “nothing is happening,” the heart is like a flower—it has its own pace and it is always in the process of blooming—even when it feels closed. Often the heart feels the most closed before we experience insight and letting go.

The practice teaches us that any mundane moment offers the same capacity to deepen as a potentially “bigger” one. In other words, if we are truly attentive and present, watching a leaf fall from a tree could inspire the same depth of understanding as meeting the Buddha himself.

And although we are not striving for any particular “breakthrough experience,” direct seeing of truth does play a key role in our practice.

One reason it plays a key role is because it serves as motivation to continue. When we experience a softening within the heart space and recognize this letting go as the path to peace, we develop greater trust in “the tree,” of the teachings. We keep going.

Another reason insight can support us—and others—is because it can positively influence our speech, actions, presence, and behavior. When the heart releases, it releases defense. For a moment or longer, we are completely free from our wounds, our protection-based mechanisms, our conditioned patterns of reactivity. Our actions are not motivated by restriction, separation, opinion, and judgment. The heart is undefended. There is no one to defend.

The mindfulness traditions teach us that these moments of freedom are flavored by a series of spiritual emotions, brahmaviharas, “divine abodes,” or “four immeasurables.”

And while the practice of sitting and cultivating present-time awareness supports us to discover these natural heart qualities—they do arise naturally—they can also be purposefully cultivated. Sitting can lead to training the heart, but we can also prompt the heart to expand. We can expand our hearts and grow the emotions of loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity.

• Loving-kindness is a joyful, expansive sense of friendliness and well-wishing towards ourselves and all beings. When we feel loving-kindness, we recognize that all beings—without exception—want to be happy, healthy, safe, and at peace. We acknowledge our own wish for happiness, admit that everyone shares the same wish, and learn to realize and grow this wish for others. Perhaps you see the eyes of a cashier above their mask and you recognize their basic wish to be well. You thank them and feel the sense of well wishing towards them.

  • We can cultivate loving-kindness during meditation with the phrase, May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I know peace, connecting to our own friendship with ourselves. We can also visualize loved ones, friends, colleagues, strangers, etc, wishing the same for them.

• Sympathetic joy is when we feel joy because of the joy of others, when we feel happy purely because someone else is happy—with zero self-interest. Perhaps you walk by a group of children having a wonderful time on a playground. You don’t know them, but you feel happy because they are so happy. Feeling sympathetic joy is not always this easy when it comes our everyday lives, our complex relationships, our tendency to feel insecure and jealous, but it can be developed.

  • We can cultivate sympathetic joy during meditation by bringing to mind an image of something that easily elicits the feeling, like a puppy. We can then expand attention to a loved one or friend who feels happy about something, focusing on the words, I am happy for you.

• Compassion is an energized, pleasant emotion seeking to reduce pain and suffering. It is active and productive and does not get pulled into blame or story. Compassionate action is motivated by the pure wish to be of service, as opposed to the resistance to being with the pains and troubles of the world. Thich Nhat Hanh famously risked his life to save the lives of individuals on both sides of the war in Vietnam based on the recognition of the worth of all human life. This is compassion-based action.

  • We can cultivate compassion during meditation when we are struggling by offering the phrase, I care about my pain. As we care for ourselves in this way, we establish greater compassion for all others.

• Equanimity is feeling completely unthreatened by the present moment, regardless of how chaotic or unpleasant it may be. There is a deep acceptance of what is true, internally and externally, in the here and now. Acceptance does not mean passivity or condoning harm. It also does not mean one is suppressing one’s experience. Just possessing the wisdom that we cannot (ever) change the present moment. Yet how we respond to it powerfully influences the next one. An image that demonstrates equanimity is a bamboo tree that easily finds balance in the wind. A practical example of equanimity is traffic. One day you can’t stand sitting there, moving so slowly. Another day, for some reason, it doesn’t bother you at all. You’re present, aware, and unshaken. You have equanimity.

  • We can cultivate equanimity during meditation or in life with the phrase, things are as they are.

Practices

• Practice loving-kindness when you’re not meditating—whenever you remember to do it—while you’re walking, cooking, showering, beginning a task, going to sleep, etc.

• Begin to use the phrases for others—May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you know peace. Do this whenever you think of it. When you see someone waiting for a bus, when you notice other drivers on the road, when you see your colleagues. Use the phrases when someone comes to your mind, whether this person is near or far, whether you love this person or whether you think this person is your enemy. Do this if you see someone on television or if you see an article about someone. If you want, you can bring to mind large groups of people—kids everywhere, those who are hungry, those who are happy, people in various parts of the world, even animals and plants. You may wish happiness, health, and peace for everyone, in all directions.